yawnnsss

ermm. its has been quite some time since i updated my blog. kinda lazy i must admit. some gains, some losses. but i am seriously not complaining. 

met up with a totally cool group. HAHA. wilson, jolene, jayden and song hua and we can literally hang out anywhere and anytime. and that would seriously explain why my transport expenditure is so crazy.

my bro and my evil twin are the best! :)

met up my big o korean grandma-ish bro at city hall, and  guess what we ate?! something you will never imagine joey the lam eating. MUSHROOM soup [and its not just mushroom soup but the bits and pieces of brown shitake mushrooms] Then we toured round marina square chatting about random stuff. it was seriously what i wanted. an elder brother to go out with. he's uber awesome! and i meant it.

and not forgetting the wonderful tanning session i had with jimmy over at sentosa cafe del mar. AWESOME sun and the best part of it all. no one to bother us, and a whole lot of bitching and gossips. HAHA! i hope you pick yourself up from the fall you had real fast, and let's go shopping again! no more river island, pull & bear and ZARA. fugly fashion apparels. and the pathetic state we both were in by the end of the day. RED, red, and more redness on our skins. did i forget to mention that we were both burnt?

and it's jimmy's birthday! and not forgetting my neighbour-ish friend, wesley who is suffering from a high fever. get well soon! you still owe me a dinner outing. :/

and finally the highlight of the day. my unexpected outing with my EVIL TWIN, aka same name, JOEYthe[devil]. i finally got a chance to meet him up, in his full bitchy form and we did have hell of a time chatting, more bitching and some random shopping. HAHA. he terms our purchase as slutty shorts. which i actually thought was pretty funny. why slutty? ain't it sexy? HAHAHA. and yes, how can i end the day without any form of shopping especially after the really bad episodes which i am about to elaborate pretty soon. fourskin shorts at 50% off! 24 bucks for a pair. AWESOME.

finally..

to those who are in search of the special someone, never ever think that your special someone would be really far away, cause you will never know that he/she coupld actually just be right in front of you. oh well. i just wanted to type this lil paragraph in to end this summary in a positive light. i guess i am gonna try stay optimistic, and support the people around me. 

gonna revive my gym classes after stupid paragon finishes their renovation by sunday! dang. and more sun tanning [provided i dont turn indian/malay after several sessions] and last but not least catching up with my friends!!!!!!!!!

heart

when will the heart ever find its way back?

especially when the roads are filled with

temptations

how will it ever know which way to go?

i guess its not that easy.

but i hope my heart find its way

even if it takes some time

it doesn't matter

what really matters

is the final destination.

Searching god

as the angel reached into god's pocket

in hope to find some love

god smiled and said

why are you searching for love when its not ripe yet

the angel was scared

god sat up and patted on angel's head

it will come one day, and it will be meant specially for you.

because it was meant to be so.

cry

there's something about irvine that draws me.
perhaps its the tune.
here's part of the lyrics that meant a little.
tho fully EMO charged.

you are warned. emo boy alert.

lyrics

Why is it so hard?
Why can't you just take me?
I don't have much to go 
Before I fade completely

...

Are you there? 
Are you watching me?

and yes thats what i did.

i cried.

at marley & me.

Kelly Clarkson - Cry

If anyone asks 
I'll tell them we both just moved on 
When people all stare 
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk 
Whenever I see you 
I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue 
Pretend I'm okay with it all 
Act like there's nothing wrong 


Is it over yet 
Can I open my eyes 
Is this as hard as it gets 
Is this what it feels like to really cry 
Cry 


If anyone asks 
I'll tell them we just grew apart 
Yeah what do I care if they believe me or not 
Whenever I feel your memory is breaking my heart 
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all 
Act like there's nothing wrong 


Is it over yet 
Can I open my eyes 
Is this as hard as it gets 
Is this what it feels like to really cry 
Cry 


I'm talking in circles 
I'm lying, they know it 
Why won't this just all go away 


Is it over yet 
Can I open my eyes 
Is this as hard as it gets 
Is this what it feels like to really cry 
Cry

a moment for thanks

i am really blessed

just because

i have 2 

bros

1

older

the other

way way younger

i love the both of them

simply because

they love me for who

i really am 

and I

do not need to pretend

to be someone I am not

and not forgetting the twin that i always knew i had!

P.S: he's a devil, and i like it :)

letting go

i guess i am in the mood to just post one final installation of the little boy's story.

and this time, its his past.

Letting It Go

once upon a time

there was this little boy

who never said what was on his heart

instead, he said the opposite of what he meant

one day the little boy met a stranger

but it wasnt the stranger who caught his attention

it was this person, S

who had the strangest expression.

in the end, they both fell in love

they had a good time

they spent quality time together

it was a memorable time

but things changed

many things happened

hearts were changed

trust was betrayed

the little boy still chose to remain silent

his mouth speaking what his heart did not mean

tears did not fall

sadness was quiet and careful

with her way in the little boy's heart

but he knew his heart had grown cold

the little boy decided it was time

to free his cold heart

and perhaps to grant S a simple wish

something the little boy wanted too

freedom

letting go

宅宅

they said that lollipops are express remedy for those who are down.

and i wonder how true,

especially when taiwanese drama 愛就宅一起 mentioned it too.

i guess very soon, i'll end up being a 宅宅 too. 

town, a strange place

today was another experimental day. i finally went down to town to meet my friend. i guess it must have been a really long time since i ever stepped foot onto town. everything felt different. i guess it must have been the age. i no longer have the burning desire to sweep the whole town out with my shopping frenzy. or could it be some melancholy left within me from the last incident?

i travelled down to cathay and guess who i bumped into? tingting and vanessa goh! omg. it has been like light years since we last met. and they could recognise me the moment i stepped out of the lift. as we were kinda late for the movie, so i didn't have the luxury of time to catch up. but in short, i do miss the secondary school days. when i was so young.. so innocent, and most importantly, carefree without much to worry about.

oh and "PUSH" was pretty good i must say. i enjoyed the effects of the movie, and not forgetting to mention the classic facial expressions from these villains. priceless i must say. and i am more than often tickled by how spastic they can really get. oh and i didn't realise that the little girl was the lead actress from Charlotte's Web. chris evans was as usual, looking good in whatever that is thrown on him. LOL.

and afterwhich i followed nicholas to vivo where he met up with his other friends whilst i headed wanting to pay cavan a visit. but guess what. that stupid fella was not working!? yeah. so i shopped around a little. bought stuff from various shops. and i realised that zara's stuff is becoming a little trashy. i dont know if its because of the season, or its just some post sale thing, but the clothes are seriously weird, and the funny thing is that singaporeans still crowd the whole boutique. 

and headed to Pageone where i tried to finish my read on Stephanie Meyers' The Host, which was pretty interesting, considering the fact that she no longer employs the usage of vampires or werewolves in the plot. i couldn't manage to finish, but was pranked by dumb nicholas who decided to give me a scare just as i was looking out for him. HAHA. 

yeap. nicholas if you are reading this, i had a nice time. thanks. tho i was left loitering around vivo for quite some time. HAHA.

i did not follow songhua and co to club. i guess i had enough for the day.

Flavors Of Life

One of my favourite cereal of all time.

fruit loops.

and the best part about it would be the different colours and flavors

[tho i can't really taste the difference]

when i was really young, i would pick out the purple ones and eat them all up.

reason simply because they are grape flavored [according to my mum]

any reason why i blog about this? 

hmmm.. nah, i just love fruit loops.

and i guess i am gonna keep my focus back on my studies and forget about relationships and stuff. since i dont really have the luck :) i guess i will stick back to my roots and see where i go from there. heh. 

afterall, i'm the unbeatable songbird. HAHA. 

i will not be defeated!!!! 

Reasons Why

The Many Reasons People Give For Things That Dont Work Out

i am too busy

i am too tired

i cannot cope with it

we are too different

you did not give enough attention

we have different values and beliefs

we cannot agree on the same thing

you forgot about our anniversary

you missed my graduation

i hate your kind of lifestyle

i cannot tolerate your certain habits

and the list goes on..

but i guess the most important thing people often miss out would be that fact that they themselves are at fault.

author's note:

when faced with such situations, i would always try to take the blame first. which is mostly true. if only you will take some time and evaluate what you have done. you would realise the root of the problem lies in you. I have learnt never to shun problems or leave them be, same goes for the blame. i rather take them all. because most of the time, it's indeed my fault.

a pint of milk

milk

warm and careful

safe in arms

slip of fingers

bottle falls

pieces of bottle

fell on floor

milk on floor

i bent down

tried my best

piecing them back

fingers cut

tears fell

heart aches

no salavage

no bottle

no milk

just pain

blood

tears

me

i

a lesson learnt

i just came back from a small lil drinking session. LOL. the vodkha was disgusting, and the bailey's was fine but mild. gone were the days when drinking was meant to be enjoyed with friends and all. now, they are the very instruments used to drown my immediate sorrows.

oh well, but i did not get what i wanted either ways. i remained sober whilst my other friend was drunk. or should i say, DAMNNNNN high [since he didn't want to be labelled as drunk] 

mod, if u are reading this, don't kill me. but you were really funny. you were basically laughing at every single damn thing that i said, and you were walking in this swaying manner. but thanks for accompanying me. at least i felt a tad better after which. perhaps i have understood the necessity to move on and stop pondering over the issue. it will only worsen the already strained friendship. 

hey!! but you owe me one for sending you ALL THE WAY HOME TO YOUR FREAKING DOORSTEP!

i shall end my entry with the final installation to my little narration. this time i am writing it with slight sense of despair and perhaps a little tinge of nostalgia. similarly i wrote it with LOVE ME by Yiruma running on repeat. [i told u i am emo, didn't i?]

A Lesson Learnt

time passes ever so slowly

and finally it was time

time for the little boy to say goodbye

even if it hurt so much

he told himself never to look back

cause if he ever did

he will never find the strength

to move on

so he took a piece of paper

and ever so carefully

he folded it into a little star

and gently kissed it with his trembling lips

"'tis i grant you

the strength to find your love

that one fine day

you may be loved, as i was

may you find your way

to the deepest skies

for then i truly understand

i was just part of the journey"

the little boy walked gingerly

towards the edge of the hill

and threw the little star 

towards the direction of the wind

he never wanted to let go

but he understood that

by holding on,

it was mere possession

as the little star drifted with the winds

the little boy shed a little tear

as he whispered ever so softly,

"its okay"

as the wind gently consoled his broken heart

she whispered a little tune

holding onto a beautiful melody 

and the familiar words that echoed

"its okay to cry a little

its okay to stay here for awhile

its okay to hate m a little

its okay to miss m for a little"

the little boy collapsed

into his now trembling, icy cool knees

for whenever a lesson is learnt

there's bound to be pain.

Author's note:

i ended this short narration with a lesson learnt, in hope that similarly, others will learnt from the little boy's mistake and not hold on tightly to whatever that is gone, and move on. for you will never know what's meant for you until you have reached the end.

may you find shelter and solace from the music just as it has healed my soul.

i still believe in love at first sight, not because i am willing to allow myself to be hurt again,

but for the fact that i still yearn to find the person who is made for me.

just for me.

untitled

Untitled in my heart

those very moments were all that matter
even for just a little while
for when i finally have the courage
i will look back for awhile

it's okay
that's what you would often say
until this very day
in my heart, i would always play
it's okay
when will you see me again?
if it's ever okay
i hope we will still be friends

written on 4th march 2009
inspired by a segment of my own memory.

my puny little human soul

i could not find an avenue to voice out or even vent out my pent up emotions.

everything's trapped in my helpless human body.

and i hate feeling helpless

and to make things worst, even my parents are trying to make me feel better.

to those who were worried for me, i am so sorry.

i never wanted you to see me like that

so fallen, so defeated

i guess i need alot of time [to be honest]

to pick myself from this mess

and while i continue to confide in the little boy,

may you find peace in the story.

narration continued..

the second or should i say the continuation?
but i was in the mood to write on especially after listening to so many inspiring yet sad music.

My Night Skies

the little boy prayed earnestly

that one day m would be like before

smiles on the face and the nearly hidden eyes

coming back to pay him a visit

however an angel dropped by one day

with hands as icy cool as that of m

he soothed the little boy's aching heart

and sang ever so gently

my silly little boy, o silly one

how can your heart be so unguarded?

and how are you to capture a shooting star

when it has not reached its destination?

the little boy knew the answer

m was never meant to be for him

m's smile, m's icy cool touch, m's tight yet careful embrace

they are all but polite gestures to welcome a stranger

small trinklets of pain started falling

fron the windows of his heart

what was empty before was filled with pain

like that of thorns to bare flesh

the little boy smiled with tears in eyes

as he bowed his head to pray

with utmost sincerity and honesty.

for hope that his father in heaven would listen

dear daddy in heaven,

thank you for the angel

thank you for m

thank you for my heart

thank you for the hills

thank you for the stars

thank you for the night

thank you for the time i have with m

daddy

protect m at all times

protect m's fragile heart

protect m's icy cool hands

protect m's warm embrace

protect m's charming smile

protect m's careful feelings

and daddy,

wherever m goes, i ask of you to be there

guard m's heart

do not let m be hurt

this i ask in daddy's name

amen.

the little boy now knows the answer

but still chose to keep m safe in his heart

love is never about leaving things be

its about taking chances even if it risks losing it.

a special birthday

happy birthday to ezekiel.

one of the few who actually tried cheering me up.
and i appreciate it alot.

a note to remember

i came across this quote whilst browsing randomly. and i thought that it was really meaningful. 

"I come with a past. We all do.
It's a package, one that I'd like to share with you, but you can't pick and choose.
You get all of me."

Piper Halliwell, Charmed

a small narration

i have written a small narration to go with Yiruma's music playing by my blog.
I put 'Love Me' by Yiruma on repeat as I wrote this.

a short note:
from time to time, i will actually write short extracts of mini fiction.
this was written on the spot as i listened to the music. and to be honest, i actually broke down whilst penning this. perhaps it was the pent up emotions that caused it, in any case, hope you enjoy the read.

Starry Starry Night

once upon a time, there was a little boy
who always believed that he could smile his worries away
and most importantly,
he did not believe in love at first sight

one day, he agreed to meet this very particular stranger
he calls, m
he wasn't too sure, neither was he expecting much

and as he draws his heavy foot towards the destination
clad in utterly simple apparel
he waited patiently.

the bus arrived after quite a wait.
m stepped out
the little boy was surprised
he knew it was something more than just anticipation

time spent with m was amazing
worries were forgotten, breathing was made much easier
the stars seemed a lil more prettier
the grass they were lying on was softer than any texture created.

m's hands were a tinge of icy cool
and they cooled the little boy's warm little palms
m's soothing yet cartoon-like voice 
almost coo-ed the little boy to sleep as that of a lullaby

and comes the unexpected act
when m was caught unaware
the little boy kissed m...
he knew this would change everything
but he still did it.

the little boy knows
it was more than just excitement from the first encounter
it was something more

they stayed til late.
the little boy knew that time was running out
and if m left
there would never be the second chance

but still..

the little boy accompanied m all the way
his lil heart filled with warmth and joy

as m ran off to catch the train
the little boy stood and watched the train leave
with an unspeakable surge of melancholy

the little boy knew he should not have done it
he shouldn't have said what was in his heart then

as after the little boy did so
things were never the same again.

in every conversation there was a void
a space so vast 
such that the little boy was lost in it

there was an unmentioned sense of awkwardness
tho m remained polite
the little boy could sense it coming.

rejection was subtle as it can be
though it pierced through the little boy's once cooled heart
for it could no longer be,
not without m's icy cool touch

now all the little boy could wish for
is not for m to love him in return
but to forget those lil silly things he did when they first met
if ever it's possible

he wanted m as a friend
who can lie down beside him and admire the stars
someone who will cool his warm lil palms
someone who will listen to the stories no one bothered to listen
someone who never complains about the pricky grass

so one rainy night,
the little boy went back to the same hill
laid down on the same exact spot
and looked up into the skies
as he carefully whispered

twinkle twinkle lil star
how i wish to be where you are
staying up above so high
belonging to m's one and only sky

Showcasing

I am finally making my youtube account official. 
the above clip is an attempt at leona lewis' yesterday.

sounds kinda raw, but i guess i love singing without vocal adjustments. 
so if my voice goes off a lil, forgive me :D

This is done a year ago. one of the earlier videos that i uploaded.

All By Myself 

Hero Piano Remake

a friend once told me

to be honest, i have been feeling lousy. my mood is way low, and no matter what, i cant bring myself to travel further than my secret hideout. just the day before, after sending off my friend who dropped by to visit and noticed my extremely perturbed expression. i guess my issues are better kept with me, rather than to make someone worry.

after which, i made my way to my secret hideout. perhaps some of you would actually know where it is. it was raining before, so the smell of rain is still evident, with the grass soaked wet. on my way, i noticed that very big board from the housing development board.

here comes the bad news.

apparently they are planning to build a series of condos just right in front of innova junior college, and this would mean that the area would be increasingly populated. and so would my hideout.

gone were the days when i could just take time off my hectic schedule and scale up the slippery slopes and get myself all comfy on the hilltop. soon that very place would be invaded, and it irks me.

along the way, i snapped pictures with my pathetic cybershot. [1st gen somemore.. WTH]

and finally when i made my way up to the top, i realised that this was not the only issue bothering me. and that i was just using it as an excuse to be down. I sat down, closed my eyes and enjoyed the cool breeze.

her gentle hands brushed across my tear-stained cheeks
with a gentle whisper, she soothed my despaired soul

the stars were spectacular that night, and i was putting a particular song by fish leong on repeat. i guess that's the typical trait of an emo kiddo. HAHA. the song was entitled, "不是我不明白"

i have not felt like that for the longest time. i've always been that happy go lucky fella, smiling away. even if the world were to fall on me, my optimism would be sufficient to pull me through. but i guess i was wrong. all it takes is one particular catalyst to bring about that change. but i guess it wont be appropriate for me to elaborate, and it's no point.

but ironically, i had a lil with myself getting my feets soaked in waterlogged grass patches before heading home with that same heavy heart i started out my journey with.

i will end the entry with a quote my friend always like to say.

what's meant to be, no matter what happens, will still be yours
what's not meant to be, no matter how hard you try, they will never be yours

just before that i was having a silly thought, and that if i try hard enough, perhaps what i hope or wish for could actually come true. but my friend really did shake me back to reality, although it really did hurt alot.

but it was a good experience, and it reminded me that i still do have a heart, and feelings.